Confused should be my middle name;
Today has been one of those days, and by ‘those days’ I mean where I question every decision and action I have ever made and I attempt to make sense of my future, in the words of Winona Ryder “I think too much, I think ahead, I think behind, I think sideways. I think it all, if it exists I’ve fucking thought of it”. So although on the outside I usually appear care free and calm inside I can be at war with myself. So yeah that’s my downfall, I overthink way too much! However I don’t let my overthinking get in the way and prevent me from doing things.
The biggest headache I have as a 24 year old is that I don’t have a clue where my life is going, which did used to terrify me. If you are reading this and also question the path you are currently on then welcome to the club, don’t worry there’s a pretty long members list so you’re definitely not alone. I find it crazy how we are expected to know what we want to do at the age of 16 in school and are responsible for such a path defining decision even though the only thing you’re worried about at that age is trying to get an invite to the next house party and who’s turn is it to sneak vodka from their parents house to later refill with water. Anyway 8 years on from that decision and around £15,000 of uni fees later I am still non the wiser about my future.
Now I usually have two very conflicting thought processes when it comes to this matter, the first being complete stress and worrying about how I don’t have my shit together in regards to societies expectations and then the other not being able to care less – which is usually a hell of a lot more fun and relaxing. It is the latter of the two that put me in the position I am now; admiring the sunset in Perth, Western Australia.
So what led me to hop onto a plane and travel to the opposite side of the world; well a few things actually…
Firstly I became very aware that the best part of most peoples days are spent working often in jobs that no longer inspire them, just so they can afford their mortgage repayments and to live a barely exciting life. Which leads me to my biggest fear; Ending up in a job that I have become to despise yet one that I am trapped in for for the best part of fifty years. The second factor is that my home town isn’t one of much interest, if you are unfortunate enough to know of St. Helen’s then you will know it hasn’t exactly got much going for it and that it can be likened to a zombie apocalypse or the land that time forgot. Now for the three years following my 18th I joined the majority of other ‘tweens’ in an almost ritual weekend routine, one that began with copious amounts of alcohol being consumed at home before spending hours attempting to dance or prise your feet from the bar floor, before finding yourself standing on Westfield street in the early hours of the morning with a L’amore special in hand watching the drama unfold.
So by 22 I had become bored of this and I decided to spread my wings and see what the world had to offer in the hope that just maybe I would have that eureka moment and all would become clear to me. Eighteen months later, here I am still waiting. Now its not for want of not trying, I have many money making ideas that cross my mind however you could say that I am a bit of a dreamer as the majority of them involve me starting a business and making my fortune, which does sound somewhat unrealistic considering my ideas change on an almost daily basis.
The other problem I have is that there are an awful lot of countries I want to travel to and explore, and well having a ‘proper job’ kind of gets in the way of that so I am completely torn between attempting to ‘settle down’ and my want of exploring new destinations. I often find myself looking at my peers and comparing the differences between us; how some are engaged, buying their first homes and even having kids and I’m asking myself is this what I should be doing as its what society expects from me in my mid twenty’s and is the life path that the majority have followed for many years before. Then I remind myself that 24 is still young and that time is on my side so why stress- although I’ll be honest I cant wait to have my own house to decorate.
So for now I am trying my best to live in the moment, I mean not a lot of people have the opportunity to try life on the other side of the world in a country as awesome as Australia and I’m not doing a half bad job in the process. I have recently started a new job as a medical receptionist, I am living in a lovely area and I have an incredibly supportive group of people around me, so why the unnecessary stress as in the end happiness is key. So yes in the long term I want to be successful, I want to be able to live life rather than just survive and I want to be able to spoil those around me who deserve it but for now I will continue to take life day by day, worry less and appreciate the position I am in at the moment, after all the world is my oyster
and who knows, anything is possible right?